


in some other life

by lostin_space



Series: Roswell New Mexico Week 2019 [4]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Hand wavy science, M/M, Roswell New Mexico Week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 03:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: michael tries to build a time machine, but ends up in a different reality all together-day 5: freaky friday





	in some other life

**Author's Note:**

> This is my 15,000 word, monstrous baby. It took me a month of messing around and playing with different scenes and orders for things and hinting at it on my tumblr and tbh I'm still not entirely sure I'm satisfied with it but I'm still proud that I managed to actually get it out in a cohesive manner. Hope you enjoy and I apologize ahead of time for my nonexistent understanding of coding and also science in general
> 
> inspired by listening to tyler blackburn's version of Opening Montage/Safe/The One I Love from Hello Again on repeat for like 2 weeks straight

"Fuck off, Guerin."

Michael watched helplessly as Alex walked away, walking back to that guy he came to the Wild Pony with no shame. Panic tightened in his chest as he watched them until he couldn't, until seeing them touch hurt him, until seeing them kiss killed him. Then he watched a little longer. He deserved it. He did Alex and Maria both dirty and Liz and Isobel were both still mad that he wasn't helping them revive Max.

Except he was.

After almost puking from watching the buff Airman grope Alex under the guise of helping him play pool, Michael decided it was time to leave. He couldn't let all this discourage him. He had to let it fuel him, fuel him to fix things before it was too late. If he watched too long, it'd be too hard to do that. He'd feel too guilty to take away what Alex had made for himself.

Michael returned to his bunker completely sober. even though he'd just been at the bar. In the last six months, he'd managed to get completely sober. It hadn't even really been on purpose, he just got so lost in his work that he'd forgotten to eat or drink or do anything. There wasn't time for that. Even when he craved it, he craved having Max and Alex back more, so he focused everything on that.

That night six months prior, Alex had given him the last piece of his ship and kindly made it clear he wouldn't care if he left. Michael had dropped it, had run after him. He had been so tired of watching Alex walk away without going after him that doing it that time just wasn't an option. But Alex had looked at him like he was crazy and got in his truck and left. That was a pain he hadn't known possible.

So he got fucked up. It took a positively lethal dose of alcohol, acetone, and weed to get him to the point to completely shatter to console. He didn't remember all the details of it, but there were vague memories of crying on the floor surrounded by alien glass and was enough to make him cringe. However, he woke up the next morning with pages strewn about the bunker, all drunken ideas on how to use the console to construct a time machine. It was the best idea he'd ever fucking had.

They were looking at everything all wrong. They were trying to figure out how to revive the revivalist instead of working with _their_ strengths. Michael knew mechanics and he knew physics and he had alien technology at his disposal‒why should a time machine be out of the question?

It took him a while, but he was almost done. Michael wasn't really good at the coding part of it and had to read up on it, which added another month to the entire process. It was a constant stream of trial and failure, trial and failure, trial and failure.

But not tonight.

Tonight, he'd figured it all out. Before he'd gone to the Wild Pony, he'd placed the final piece, flipped the switch, and watched a portal open in his bunker. It was really happening, he just had to dial in the time and the coordinates and he'd be off. He just wanted to see Alex one last time just in case it malfunctioned and killed him. He didn't have the time or company for a test subject: he had to just hope his brain wouldn't fail him.

More than that, he hoped that his last memory of Alex wasn't full of anger and rejection.

Michael stepped down the ladder into his bunker, combing his hands through his hair as he gazed at the portal. His hair had gotten longer considering he hadn't cut it in pushing a year now and it fell recklessly at his shoulders. The last couple months he'd become sort of accustomed to wearing it pulled back so he could work, but tonight he'd wanted to look a little decent for his goodbye to Alex. That hadn't worked. He was more eager to get back in time than ever.

He set the coordinates and all the excess numbers on the machine, watching it swirl and turn a dark shade of purple instead of the black that it had been. Anxiety rippled through him, tearing at his stomach and squeezing at his throat. He didn't want to die, but it sure felt like that's where he was headed. This was easily the most dangerous thing he'd ever done and he was about to do it with no regrets. Maybe that was sad. Or pathetic. Or both.

But he'd created a fucking time machine, so who cared?

Before he went, he pulled out his phone. If he did die, he wanted to make sure they heard one last goodbye. He'd gone to see everyone today, but he had to make it seem like it was just another day. He didn't need them questioning him. He also didn't want them finding out he'd killed himself only through his journals that explained the entire last six months.

_ To: Liz, Iz ICE, Alex ICE, Deluca, Dr. McDreamy _

_ Hi. Sorry for the group message. Basically I'm leaving tonight. You probably won't see me again and if you do then I've failed. I didn't want to go without saying goodbye, but I also didn't want to freak you all out today when I came to see you. I know I've let you all down and I hope what I'm doing makes up for it. Thank you for being around me even though you don't like me. I'm sorry for all my fuck ups and for hurting you and for generally being a bad person. I hope it's better in another life. Love, Michael _

He stared at it for a while before he sent it and then immediately turned his phone off once it had gone through. He didn't want to see what they had to say. It'd either be a ton of guilt-tripping so he wouldn't want to risk his life, or it'd be them not giving a shit. He didn't want either.

Except, as he took a step towards the portal, he realized he had more to say. This was a 50/50 chance that he'd never see Alex again. Actually, worse odds than that. It could explode and kill him, it could send him to a completely different time all together, it could just send him straight back to his home planet where he'd be reprimanded for using their ship for something else. There was a teeny tiny chance that this would work and he would find himself nine months in the past and, instead of going to Maria, he'd go to Max and then he'd go to Alex. It was too small to leave Alex thinking… whatever he thought.

Michael quickly ripped a page from his notebook and wrote _'ALEX_ ' in big block letters at the top. He did his best to scribble out everything he felt, every little tidbit of his feelings for Alex. How much he loved him, how he wished things were different, how he regretted everything. He wrote about how he missed him and the way he felt when they kissed and touched. He wrote about how he wanted to go back in time and make sure Alex knew that he loved him and that he would wait for Alex to find the right words. That was the problem. He never let Alex find his words. Next time, he would. He would let him and he would listen and he would love him.

Once he got it out of his system, Michael was ready. Ready to go and get his brother and his man and hopefully not die before he can. If he dies, then Isobel is genuinely fucked. He'd hate that.

"Okay, I can do this."

A heavy breath later, Michael found himself right in front of the portal. He placed his hand against the alien glass, closing his eyes as he reached out with his mind to connect with it. He felt it and he hooked himself in, taking one more heavy breath and focusing completely on Max and Alex as he slammed his hand down to lock in his coordinates and dates.

And he stepped inside.

Michael wasn't sure what he expected to happen, but it definitely was what he expected. His whole body froze midway inside and he couldn't move, stuck with half his body in his world and half somewhere in between. His body slowly started heating up from the inside and for a moment he could tolerate it, but the more he started panicking about being stuck, the more it burned. And burned. And burned. _And burned._

He tried to scream, tried to pull back, tried to stop it from hurting so bad by sheer force of will, but none of it worked. It was a pain he couldn't even comprehend, a pain that no man should be able to stay awake through. Just straight _pain_.

And then it was nothing.

-

Everything hurt.

Michael's eyes very reluctantly dragged open, only for the world to spin around him. Every movement caused pain to ripple through him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this sore. But, hey, at least he was alive. Or something like that.

Somehow, he managed to pull himself into a sitting position and looked around. He was on the floor of a studio apartment he didn't recognize. He'd never actually seen a studio apartment in real life, but whoever owned this one clearly cleaned up well. Everything was meticulous, from the way the bed was made to the way the walls were covered in framed articles. The only thing that wasn't, was the giant, shattered time machine that was against the wall beside a very neat desk. _Okay…_

Groaning, Michael pulled himself to his feet. He was covered in soot and his limbs were still tingling from whatever the hell that was. He wiped off his arms and looked around once again, trying to figure out where he was because it clearly hadn't sent him to where he wanted. Maybe he got the coordinates wrong or something.

However, his eyes zeroed in on a framed newspaper picture on the nightstand. It was him, Isobel, and Max, only they were children in it, none of them were smiling, and all of them had shaved heads. Anxiety pooled in his stomach as he grabbed it, his hands shaking as he took it out of the frame. It clearly had been cut, removing it of anything informative, but it had all their names written in a handwriting very similar to his own. The back of it was some article about the Rodeo coming to town. Why were they in the fucking newspaper?

More importantly, _where_ the fuck was he?

Michael looked around for anything that would tell him anything. There was a phone on the desk. He raced toward it, his mind pulling it to meet him halfway. That had to tell him something, right? It had to have more information. It was one of the really fancy iPhones that he had basically no idea how to use other than the things he learned by looking over Isobel's shoulder.

But his fingerprint unlocked it so that was a start.

The background of the phone was a picture of a little Isobel and a little Max. It wasn't the same one as the one in the frame, but it just a blurry. It rubbed him the wrong way. Still, he pushed past the uneasy feelings and went to his contacts. There were only five: AAA, Dr. Anagonye, Bank, Work, and Dr. Wyatt. Okay.

Clearly, he was somewhere else where he was him, but nothing else was like it was supposed to be. He was going to get more information before he allowed himself to panic. So he called Dr. Anagonye.

"Dr. Anagonye's office, Gina speaking, how can I help you?"

Michael licked his lips, "Uh, hi… This is… Michael Guerin?" He really didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but what if that wasn't the right name? What if he didn't exist in the same way here? Wherever the hell _here_ was. Nowhere in his world would Isobel shave her head, regardless of her age.

"Oh, Michael! How are you, honey? Do you need to reschedule?" Gina said, her voice even more kind than it was when he originally answered. Michael blinked.

"Um, yes, yes, reschedule my…"

"Your session? Honey, you know you can just text, I know you struggle with the phone," she said. Okay, so in this life, he's got phone anxiety. Good to know. "Is everything alright? Are the nightmares back? Do you need me to get Dr. Anagonye?"

"Oh, no, I'm alright. Thank you," Michael said, hanging up before she said anymore or clarified when he wanted to reschedule. 

Michael fell into the chair at the desk, doing his best to piece together everything in his mind. The phone proved to be a whole lot of help, though, and within thirty minutes of fucking around on it and finding information, he discovered that he was in Manhattan, worked for the government doing fancy tech engineering bullshit, and that he couldn't find anything that said his friends might know him in this world. He even used Google. There was legitimately no trace of Max or Isobel despite him having childhood pictures of them, Liz was some bigshot biomedical engineer in New Zealand, Maria had nothing but an Instagram to promote the Wild Pony, Kyle had two published medical theses, and Alex… Alex was also hard to find.

That was frustrating. Nothing came up really for Alex Manes, nothing for Alexander Manes, nothing for Manes in general outside of his father. However, he did eventually find Alex. This version of Michael did have an Instagram, but it wasn't one that had his name or his face attached to it. It was just an anonymous place he posted science memes and he didn't want to think too much into that loaded situation. However, going through the few people he followed, it was basically only famous scientists and then someone named Alex the Angel. And clicking on it made him fucking melt into his chair.

It was absolutely Alex or just a version of his Alex that was a gogo dancer at someplace called Hitchcock's. There were hundreds of pictures of him posing all perfectly, occasionally half-dressed and drenched in glitter. Some of them were normal, him having lunch with friends or him in a Starbucks barista uniform. But there were definitely more of him dancing on a platform or in a cage or posing half-naked or completely naked with nothing more than strategic placement keeping his modesty. Heat pooled in Michael's stomach and he eventually had to put the phone down to register it. Whatever had changed in this world had resulted in the universe's most confident Alex, one that smiled more and one that radiated a level of sex appeal that his Alex never did. That was a lot to take in.

However, he also was the only one that was also in New York. He was the only one that Michael might be able to talk to. If he had to stay here all by himself for too long, he might fucking lose it. So, the first step is to see if he can fix the not-time-machine and see if he can go back home. If he can't, then the next step is to find Alex the Angel.

For the next three hours, Michael sifted through all of Other Michael's journals. He learned that he was apparently he was apart of something called the Roswell Three and, instead of being adopted out, they were taken in by government agents. He skipped ahead whenever it oh so elegantly started mentioning years and years of being science experiments. Page 47 mentioned that his main drive to build a time machine was to go back and get Max and Isobel. That made Michael that much more eager to go home.

Home he at least still had Isobel. He didn't want to live in a world where we had neither of them.

But it wasn't long until he realized he was in way over his head. Whatever the other version of him was doing with his coding made no goddamn sense to him, even some of the engineering parts of it didn't make sense. Maybe they both had fucked up so monumentally that, combined, just made them fucking switch places. Imagine that.

Once he realized mindless tinkering wasn't going to get him anyway, he decided to clean himself up a bit before heading to Hitchcock's at midnight. A weird level of excitement was rippling through him as he used Other Michael's phone GPS to lead him to the place where Alex had to be. He had posted on his story that he was there like an hour ago. He had to still be there.

Michael had somehow gone his entire life without entering a club. Even when Isobel wanted to when they turned 21 or when Liz tried to originally cheer him up by bringing him to a gay bar, nothing beforehand had prepared him for what he was entering.

The building was so bright and loud that it made itself known before he saw the line of people waiting to get inside. Surprisingly, he didn't have to wait too long because he apparently was just good looking enough to slip past. He decided not to think too much of it, focusing on finding Alex. The place was packed, filled with half-dressed men dancing on each other and for each other. It was bright and loud and sticky and he really wanted to get out of there. Not that it wasn't full of gorgeous men to look at, but it made it hard to find _his_ gorgeous man.

Until he did.

On one of the little platforms stood Alex. Danced Alex. Alex dressed in nothing but a pair of tight little hot pants and a vest, his tan body glistening in the strobe lights and sweat. And he was smiling. Suddenly, Alex the Angel seemed to be the perfect title.

Michael's chest felt heavy as he pushed his way to him, unable to stop looking. He was gorgeous. His hair was a lot longer than Alex had ever been allowed to have his, perfectly fixed in a windswept type of way. His body was thinner than his Alex's, closer to how he looked before the military muscle, and his face looked more youthful. Perhaps he didn't have as much stress here. That was good. This was good.

"Hey!" Michael called once he got to the platform, trying to get his attention. He hadn't really thought everything through, like what he was going to say or how he was going to convince him of the situation. All he knew was that Other Michael clearly thought he was hot enough to stalk him on social media and that the only way he was going to get home was if he had someone to fucking talk shit through with. The only option other than Alex the Angel was his fucking therapist and he wasn't about to get thrown into a mental institution. This just had to work. " _Hey!"_

Alex may have glanced his way, but he didn't give him the time of day. Michael was about five seconds away from reaching out to get his attention, but he remembered this wasn't his Alex and, even if it was, that was a bad move. That's a quick way to get kicked in the face.

"Alex Manes!" Michael called. That got his attention. He looked down at him, never stopping his dancing as he made eye contact. He raised an eyebrow and his smile slipped off his face. Okay. "I need to talk to you!"

"I'm working."

"I'll wait!" Alex stared at him for a minute, but slowly that smile grew on his face.

"My break is in twenty minutes, find me then." 

Michael let himself find the bar and leaned against it, politely declining the drinks men of all shapes and sizes offered him. His eyes stayed on Alex, watching this boy who was just a version of the man he loved and trying to weigh the morality of it all. Was it wrong to be attracted to basically a clone of someone you love? It wasn't like it was the same person or anything and _they_ had no history, but was it still weird when Michael was aware of all the feelings he had for someone who was basically him?

He decided that alternate universes were too fucking confusing and just enjoyed the beauty of Alex Manes.

Eventually, a large man helped Alex off the platform and then helped another man step up. Michael instantly started wading his way through the crowd to get to him, meeting him somewhere in the sea of people. Alex touched his chest with a smile and his mind went blank. His Alex hadn't done anything other than push him away no matter how hard he tried for months now. This was otherworldly. Literally.

"I need to talk to you," Michael said eventually.

"You can buy me a drink."

"I'm serious, I‒"

"Buy me a drink," Alex said, his hand slipping off his chest. 

"If I buy you a drink, will you listen to me?" Michael asked. Alex looked over him and gave him a condescending little smile.

"Maybe. Why don't you find out?" Alex said, walking away and towards the bar. Great. Fantastic. He’s the worst.

Michael complied, though, and bought him a drink that was way too expensive. He assumed Other Michael had a bomb bank account if his apartment and job said anything. Still, Alex elegantly sipped on the blue drink, looking over Michael without any sense of shame. He let it happen.

“Okay,” Alex eventually said, turning to face Michael completely and reaching up to adjust his curls, “Tell me what’s so important that you tracked me down and called me by my full name that no one in this place should know. Are you a cop trying to arrest me or something?” He seemed way too into that idea.

“Okay, this is going to sound insane,” Michael started, pausing as Alex took a step closer and _really_ started playing with his hair, “So, uh, I’m from an alternate reality and I’m kind of stuck here and, in my reality, you’re the love of my life and I figured if anyone could help me get home, it’d be you.” Alex cocked an eyebrow, snorting a little laugh.

“That’s not the weirdest pickup line I’ve gotten, but you seem the most convinced by it,” Alex said, combing his fingers through his hair and pulling out knots in a way that made his eyes fluttered closed. This was absolutely not helping. “Come dance with me.”

“N-no, I don’t have time, I really need help getting home,” Michael said, melting into Alex’s touch as he slid his palm over to cup his cheek.

“You have all the time in the world until you don’t. Dance with me.”

Michael had little ability to reject him, allowing himself to be led to the dance floor. Alex cupped his face and brought their foreheads to meet before sliding his hands into his hair, smiling that satisfied little smile as he moved his body against Michael’s. It was more than a little overwhelming. And stupid. He was legit stuck in a completely different reality where he didn’t have Isobel or Max and instead of working to get back, he was just fucking dancing with another version of Alex.

“You’re a really bad dancer,” Alex laughed, rubbing over his chest. 

“Yeah, well,” Michael sighed, keeping his hands securely on his hips, “I really can’t stay long, I really need to get back.”

“You’re still going with this alternate reality routine?” Alex sighed, giving him those big puppy eyes that Michael hadn’t seen since he was a teenager. Fuck. 

“It’s not a routine, I swear. I-I can prove it to you,” Michael blurted before realizing he literally couldn’t prove it to him. He had no idea what was different from his reality and what was the same.

Still, Alex tilted his head back and raised an eyebrow. “Try me.”

“Okay, uh… You were born in Roswell, New Mexico, your dad’s name is Jesse Manes, you have three older brothers, you‒” Alex’s hands slipped off of him as he stopped moving, confusion written on his face.

“So, what, you’re my stalker or something?” Michael’s eyes went wide.

“No! No, no, look, I don’t know what’s the same or different from my Alex, but his best friends are Liz Ortecho and Maria Deluca, his favorite movie is Rocky Horror when he wants to name something people know and In The Mood For Love when he’s being honest, he really hates yogurt because it’s not a liquid and not a solid and, quote, ‘basically a sin’, and his favorite band is Panic! At The Disco and Weezer and a million really obscure indie bands that have stupid names, but they make him wax poetic for hours so I don’t mind, and _I_ need to get back to him,” Michael vented, ending his speech with a few heavy breaths. Alex was staring at him with a completely unreadable expression.

Then he was kissing him and it made even less sense than before.

"Whoa," Michael breathed, just barely peeling him away. He wanted to kiss him back for the sheer fact that he hadn't kissed anyone in nearly eight months and who better to kiss than someone who was basically Alex, but it didn't feel right. At least not right now, not when he had no idea what Alex the Angel was thinking.

“What? You don’t like me? You know all that stuff and you don’t like me?” he asked, just the slightest bit of insecurity showing its face. It was gone as soon as it came. “I have to get back to work. I get off at 2:30. If you’re still here, I might keep listening.”

Michael stayed.

The entire situation was more than a little insane and, regardless of the confusion his heart was dealing with, his mind knew he needed Alex. He couldn’t do this alone. Home, he at least had some buffer with Isobel and Liz occasionally. Here, Alex was all he had. So, even if he was confusing and frustrating, he needed him. If he got lucky, Alex the Angel might be as smart as Alex the Airman.

“Damn, you’re giving me a lot of mixed signals,” Alex the Angel laughed when he exited the now dead club to see Michael waiting for him. Michael stood up straight, his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Look, I’m not joking, I need to get back home and I need you to… I don’t know, give me motivation or something. I’m sorry I turned you down, but that’s not really fair to you because you look like my Alex, but you aren’t him and that…” Michael trailed off, watching as Alex neared him with that simple little smile. He reached up and tucked his curls behind his ear.

“You look stressed. You can use me. It’s less creepy than a blow-up doll look-alike,” Alex said, grinning and slowly backing him up against the wall, “You seem to know me well. I bet you’re good in bed.” Michael felt his cheeks flush. The more this Alex spoke, the more it became clear this absolutely wasn’t his Alex. Which, honestly, made it easier when his eyes locked on his lips.

“So you believe me?”

Alex hummed softly, cupping his cheeks and placing a heavy kiss on his lips. Michael reluctantly let it happen. This definitely wasn’t his Alex. Nothing about this situation was his Alex. And yet, his hands still fit against the small of his back like it was made to be there.

“Take me home, Michael,” Alex whispered against his lips and that was pretty much all it took for him to agree. He didn’t let himself wonder how Alex knew his name.

Alex the Angel moaned a lot when he kissed. Even when they had gotten into the back of the cab and the cab driver gave them dirty looks, he never bothered to quiet down. Part of Michael was embarrassed, but the part of him that missed Alex and missed sex loved it. On top of that, every touch he gave felt skilled like he knew every single thing to make him tick. He’d arch his back, he’d pull on his hair, he’d bite at his skin. He was heavenly.

And he didn’t stop until they stumbled into the apartment.

“Holy shit,” Alex said, pulling away and momentarily dropping the suave facade. Michael followed his eyes towards the broken time machine/alternate reality portal that was surrounded by the papers Michael hadn’t picked up before he left. “You… you were serious.”

Michael furrowed his eyebrows. “You came home with me thinking I was using an elaborate pickup line?” 

Alex didn’t answer as he neared the broken machine, running his hands over it with a fascinated expression written all over his face. Michael leaned back, watching him look over the machine and mess with the panels. It sparked, but the portal didn’t appear like before. Alex looked over at him.

“Tell me about him.”

“Hm?”

“The other me, the one you’re in love with. Tell me your epic love story,” Alex the Angel urged, stepping up and leaning against his chest. Idle fingers traced up and down his arm.

“Okay,” Michael agreed.

For the first time in his life, Micahel got to recount every single detail about his relationship with Alex. It was borderline therapeutic to talk about it without having to watch what he said. HE could tell him about their first time, the aftermath, the decade of seeing each other randomly and falling in love over 24 hour periods of fucking and cuddling before Alex inevitably left again, and even the depressing argument they’d had only two months before Alex lost his leg. Michael had pleaded with him to stay in touch since he was now well above his father in rank and DADT was no longer in place. They could be a real couple. Alex had said no only because he was going on a really dangerous tour and didn’t want to make a commitment before that. The more Michael pressed to get him to stay in touch, the more Alex pulled away. Instead of leaving him with a kiss and a promise of coming home, he left with an angry  _ ”you’d get it if you did something with your life”.  _

Alex the Angel made sure to console him the entire time, massaging every inch of him that he could reach and kissing in just as many places. Sometime during the story, Alex had led him to the bed and the tale became even easier to tell. Even the alien reveal really only garnered an, "oh, that makes sense." 

Michael told about their reunion and six weeks of heaven through hot kisses. He relived the pain of being shut down twice by the love of his life, comforted by the weight of a man on his chest. The massaging turned into cuddling infused with kisses which were honestly the best thing he had experienced in months. It made it to where he could tell the bullshit of watching his mother die without having a breakdown. He finished the story with a heavy heart and a whole new perspective on the situation. Something about hearing him say he stood him up for his best friend out loud made him feel like shit. Maybe he should stop trying to get him back. Maybe Alex deserved someone else.

“Shit, you really do have an epic love story,” Alex the Angel said, turning Michael’s chin and capturing his lips in a slightly-more-erotic-than-expected kiss. Michael hummed mindlessly into it. Alex broke it when he rolled on top of him, perching elegantly on his hips. God, he was gorgeous. “We need to get you your man back.” His hands slid over Michael’s chest.

Michael was basically putty in his hands, agreeing with a soft, “yeah.” 

“Well, you’re in luck,” Alex said, leaning down so, so nicely, “I went to MIT for code and mechanical engineering, I bet I could help.” His voice was a whisper and seriously how does someone make their schooling sound seductive?

“And you’re a go-go dancer?”

“Technically that’s more of a hobby, I’m a barista,” Alex said, his hot breath caressing over Micahel’s unshaven face and he pressed a swollen-lipped kiss to his cheek, “But I got kicked out.”

“Why?” Michael asked, letting his eyes close as he settled his hand on the small of Alex’s back.

Alex smiled against his skin, nudging his nose against his cheek. “I got caught hacking into the school’s system.” Michael smiled dumbly at the ceiling. “Which is a good thing. Better than getting caught the few times I hacked into an FBI database.”

“Why’d you do that?” Michael snorted, slowly moving to try and steal a kiss. This was the most intoxicated he’d felt since the last time he downed a bottle of acetone. Only this time it was just on Alex and his intelligence and his… everything.

“To see if I could,” Alex said hotly, smirking so prevalently as his hand slowly slid between them and down his chest. Michael let his eyes close. _God bless._

It was only when Alex stopped above his hips and pushed himself up that Michael opened his eyes again. He was left feeling cold as Alex stepped off the bed. He watched him, his heart thudding in his chest in desperation. He knew he was probably being a little too expectant, but he was stuck in an alternate universe with a version of Alex who wanted him. It was hard to not want everything.

“Where are you going?” he asked, holding no shame in the pathetic tone in his voice. Alex looked over his shoulder with a little smile.

“I was gonna look over Other Michael’s journals to see where to start in rebuilding that portal,” Alex said. He was standing in nothing but low hanging sweatpants, body glitter, and that stupid little vest and he knew he looked good. He had to. 

“We… we don’t have to do that right now,” Michael said. Alex raised an eyebrow, that smirk taking over his face as he turned towards him.

“Michael,” he cooed, “How long’s it been?”

“Since what?”

Alex slowly started walking towards him, mischief in his eyes that had Michael melting into the bed.

“Since you left Maria, since you last got some love?” Michael gulped, excitement striking him in the chest and shooting all the way into his fingertips.

“Eight months.”

Alex’s bottom lip protruded in a pout, the mischief never leaving as he knelt beside the bed. His fingertips traced over Michael’s jaw before combing through his hair and Michael chased the feeling.

“Poor baby. He’s touch starved,” he said and Michael didn’t have anything in him to get defensive. It sounded like an accurate description. It felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders when Alex climbed back on top of him. “Let me take care of you.”

“Yes, please.”

-

"Do you go home with strangers a lot?"

Michael sat on the floor, watching Alex work as he ate. It was early in the morning, but Alex didn't have to go to work until 12 which left some time to look over the journals. Most of the work wasn't far off from what he'd done on his own, so it was mainly Alex who had to get himself up to speed.

"No, usually not ever. If I hook up with a stranger, I do it behind the club. I really don't even do that unless I'm super fucked up," Alex admitted, using delicate fingers to tear off a piece of toast and bring it to his lips. He was disheveled from sex and sleep and had only been awake long enough to throw together a breakfast from what Other Michael had stocked, but he still looked like something out of a magazine you'd hide under your bed. It was insane. "There was just something about you." Alex spared him a glance and a smirk before flipping the page of the journal, leaning closer once it started getting into the real complex coding part.

"Oh, okay. Just… be safe when you do stuff like that," Michael said, trying to coax the flustered feeling away. It was draining almost to have an Alex that used his words like that. He wasn't used to that.

"I'm always safe," Alex said, bending his body forward to grab a pencil. He scribbled some notes in the margin. "You're the one who should watch yourself."

Michael sat up straight as his stomach dropped, eyeing the boy in front of him who paid him no mind. For a moment he considered that he wasn't in an alternate universe at all, that he was instead stuck inside his mind as a coping mechanism and this was a little signal that he was actually being tortured or something. It wasn't that ridiculous to think. Why else would his words sound like a threat?

"I mean, how is Alex the Airman going to feel when he finds out that the first move you made when you woke up in a parallel universe was to go get fucked by a different version of him that didn't have 11 years of pent up rage towards you?" Alex teased, that little smirk in place as he flipped the page. Michael managed to relax.

"It's not like we're together and you're a perfectly consenting adult who knew all of the context before it happened. There was no using," Michael replied, but he didn't know who he was actually trying to explain it to. He did feel a little guilty about it, but it also felt too good to feel really bad. He needed it. He hadn't had so much as a hug in months, surrounded by people who were angry at him. He needed someone to be touchy-feely with.

"I know this, you know this. All I'm saying is if you were mine, it'd put some things in perspective," he said, leaning over just enough to press a kiss to his shoulder. Michael smiled slightly, fiddling with the papers. He tried not to put much thought in the fact that he was happier than he'd been in months and all it took was someone being sweet.

Except he stopped being so happy whenever Alex got up and announced that he was going to go and would be back after his shift ended.

"You're leaving? I thought your shift didn't start until noon," Michael pointed out, trying to hide the desperation in his voice. He was reluctant to be left alone again, primarily because he wasn't sure Alex was actually coming back. He didn't know this Alex that well.

"I have to shower and get my uniform and shit," he answered, rinsing his plate in the sink. Michael looked between the papers and Alex. Logically, he should let him go and just get to work with what he could. 

But he was feeling lighter than ever and he didn't want to stop.

"You can shower here, wear some of Other Michael's stuff," he suggested. Alex turned to face him, leaning against the refrigerator and becoming the front cover of GQ.

"You are so needy," Alex said and it felt like rejection. Michael let out a slow breath as he leaned against the bed. He was needy, pushy even. It was too easy to forget that this wasn’t his Alex, he couldn’t just fall into a silent agreement on what was okay and wasn’t. Maybe he was going too far.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jesus Christ, who messed you up?” Alex laughed, letting his hand drag across the wall as he walked towards the bathroom. This was confusing. More confusing than Alex the Airman spending weeks telling him why they couldn’t be together only to show up and say he shouldn’t have left him behind. Apparently, Alex in every reality gave mixed signals. “Michael, are you just going to sit there or are you going to come here?”

That familiar tight feeling grew in his stomach, watching him cautiously and wondering if he should take him seriously. He wanted to. He wanted to be smothered in affection more than he wanted to get home. He knew his priorities would get fixed soon enough, but, right now… 

“That’s why you want me to stay, right? Come on," he urged, an unfamiliar look in his eye. It was similar to the one Michael had seen last night. It was that one that Alex the Airman never had. Something like insecurity and lust all in one. "Stop looking at me like that, Michael. You're not using me. I want you. Seriously, do you know how good in bed you are? You bring power bottom to a whole new level.” 

A smile pulled at Michael’s lips as he rolled his eyes and scrambled to his feet. Alex gave him that satisfied little smile, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. They fit easily into the little shower together, finally stripping themselves of the glitter and sweat from the night before.

Over the next two weeks, Michael had found it shockingly easy to slip into a routine. They’d get up, have breakfast together, Michael would make notes and do some of the physical engineering while Alex was at work, Alex would come home and make them dinner, and they’d work together until they eventually fall into bed. It was oddly the closest thing to a stable relationship he’d ever had. He liked being able to do a fuck ton of science and math with him and then be able to fall into bed with him at the end of the night. His happiness being with him hadn’t been waning, even if he did find himself missing his Alex every now and then.

He made sure to put a little work into Other Michael’s job as well, not wanting to fuck him over when he got to come back. Besides, it was pretty easy since he worked from home and just overviewed _other_ peoples’ tech babble. All of his bills were paid by auto withdrawal which was so cool. Micahel himself never had enough money to have that as a safe idea.

Still, life had never felt better. He was certain that what they’d created together was turning out to be better than the one he created before. It also helped that they were actually trying to construct an alternate reality portal this time, merely keeping the dials and such the same, as a way to avoid the whole near-death thing that happened the first time. The hope was that if they kept the dials the same, it’d open to his reality.

“I’d heard about the Roswell Three when they were found and for like a week you guys were in the news, but then it pretty much went off-grid afterward. You were like an urban legend in Roswell, so I’m sure that’s why he fucked off to New York after his siblings died,” Alex explained one day as he typed questionably fast on the computer. Michael felt blessed that both Alex’s were into coding. He was sure his bad coding was what got him here in the first place.

“I think it was more than that, honestly. His journals say that they were kept in a facility as experiments for most of their lives. I don’t know how he got out, but I’m guessing that when he did, he just wanted to get as far away as he could,” Michael explained while he tinkered with the mechanical part of the portal, reaching his foot out to nudge Alex’s knee. He didn’t look up as he smiled, nudging back.

“Don’t you wanna meet Other Michael, see what he’s like? Ask about his life?” Alex wondered. Michael sighed as he put the wrench he was holding down.

“A little bit, but I mainly just want to get home,” he admitted. Alex nodded, his smile fading.

“You miss the Airman?” 

“Yeah, I do, a lot. Even though I’m really sure he even wants me. Actually, I’m sure he doesn’t. Last time I saw him, he told me to fuck off,” he snorted, but it hurt. It really, really hurt. 

He liked Alex the Angel, he really did. He liked their routine, he liked their time together, he liked learning about him, he liked everything, even down to things like washing dishes and going grocery shopping together. But it wasn’t his Alex. There wasn’t the history, there wasn’t the cosmic feeling, there wasn’t the feeling of family, and, while the sex was mindblowing, it didn’t make him dizzy with love. Somehow, being in a world with Alex the Airman hating him was better than not being in a world with him at all.

“I want you,” Alex the Angel said, closing the laptop to the side and crawling towards Michael. The sad feeling of missing his Airman was slowly being overcome with appreciation for his Angel. Alex straddled him effortlessly, combing his fingers through his hair. “I want you every moment, every day. I can’t imagine seeing you and not wanting you. I want to kiss you and touch you and…” Alex rested his forehead on Michael’s, both men becoming completely infatuated with the other. 

“Me too. I want you too. God, I want you,” Michael said, letting Alex lean down to kiss him. 

If he got stuck here and could never go home, he couldn’t say he’d have a problem staying here forever with Alex the Angel. He missed Alex and Isobel and Max and Liz and everyone else, but he was _happy_. He had love and affection and a stable job and respect. Things were easy.

“Why do you look at me like that?” Alex suddenly whispered as he pulled out of the kiss, resting their foreheads together. His index finger rubbed over Michael’s stubble, easing any stress the question might have caused.

“Like what?” he murmured even though he could feel the absolute adoration that showed on his face. He couldn’t help it. 

Alex’s eyes flickered around his face for a moment before he shook his head, bowing for another kiss. It was lighter than its predecessor, a fluttery feeling exploding in Michael’s chest. It was that type of feeling he got as a teenager and Alex had kissed him so lovingly that it made him never want to leave the comfort of that kiss. That was this. This was it. This was safe. Maybe not home… but welcoming.

“Do you look at me like that because I look like him?” Alex asked as he broke the kiss suddenly again. Michael furrowed his eyebrows for a moment before he pieced it together and slowly let himself smile.

“No, not even kind of,” Michael mused, placing his hand on his cheek. His thumb grazed his cheek and Alex leaned into the touch. “Look, the more I spend time with you, the more you become someone else entirely. Maybe at first, it was confusing, but you’re nothing like him. You honestly don’t even look that much like him. You carry yourself differently, you dress differently, you speak differently. I look at you the way I look at you because you are _you_. You aren’t him. He isn’t you. I promise.”

Michael decided he had chosen his words well when he was pushed to the floor with his hands pinned above his in order to be kissed senseless.

-

"Try this, tell me if you like it," Alex called, walking in from the kitchen. He only had on a pair of sweats that he'd stolen from Michael, the fabric hanging off his slim figure in a way that was certifiably obscene. It was damn near impossible to get any work done, but Michael couldn't find it in him to complain. He moved his computer to the side.

In a move that was entirely Alex the Angel, he brought the spoon to his own mouth and seemed to think nothing of the steaming sauce that dropped onto his skin during his taste test, trailing over his neck and down his bare chest. Something in Michael's gut twisted and turned, his heart leaping into his throat as he stared.

"Doesn't that burn?" Michael asked as Alex stepped between this thighs, the sauce still slipping and tracing the faint muscles on his stomach.

"Not really," Alex said, placing his foot on Michaels chair and pulling him closer. "Stop looking at me like that. Taste."

Michael stared up at him. Alex's eyebrow was raised and hardly a trace of a smile was on his face, but his eyes were littered with mischief and how could Michael say no? His hands gripped the back of Alex's thighs, staring up still as he slowly licked the sauce off his abdomen. Something akin to pride covered Alex's face as he watched. 

"Is it good?" he asked when Michael got to his neck.

"Mmm, so good," he hummed, letting his eyes close as he tugged Alex closer and kept kissing on his neck and chest well after the sauce was gone. Alex's free hand slipped into his hair.

Times like these made him really believe that everything was going to be okay. After nearly a month here, Alex the Angel was starting to feel more like home with each passing day. It wasn't his Alex and that hole in his heart wasn't completely fulfilled, but this was the closest thing to love he'd felt that wasn't Alex. He knew it was weird and fast, but he couldn't help himself. These two men were so different that there was no confusing them for each other and it somehow made falling in love that much easier. He didn't see his Alex when he touched, kissed, loved this one. It was all here, now.

Alex the Angel tugged Michael's hair, pulling his head away from the crook of his neck.

"You're going to make me burn the food," he said simply, stepping away as if he hadn't just made something totally mundane into something painfully erotic. But that was Alex the Angel. While Alex the Airman was private and subtle with most of his affection, Alex the Angel liked to make a performance out of every move he made. He wanted a reaction, he wanted the attention, he wanted the awe.

The only thing that was the same was the desire for control and Michael was unwaveringly willing to give that to them both.

So Michael sat back and watched the man cook. Alex wasn't very outwardly vulnerable and it was damn near impossible to get him to show any emotion that wasn't vague amusement or annoyance. He was hard to read in a way his Alex wasn't. It was very rare that he’d let him in and it’d quickly be shoved away. The moment he felt his motives were questioned, he went back to stoicism or used sex as a distraction. He didn't want to have feelings. That's how they got hurt.

Instead of prying, he let him cook and clean and coddle and code. Michael understood not wanting to be hurt, not wanting to get too close. He took the doting and made sure that he knew he cared for him back without scaring him.

Soon enough, Alex finished cooking and sat on his lap rather than the floor. Michael pulled him close, eating off the same plate as Alex relaxed into him to begin eating.

“What happens if we can’t figure it out?” Alex asked suddenly, feeding him a fork full of noodles, “Are you gonna, like, stay?” Michael smiled at him while chewing.

“Where else would I go?”

“I meant with me. Are we just fucking and coding or, like, are we a thing?” Alex wondered, avoiding eye contact as he took his own bite. The question had a familiar feeling bubbling in Michael’s stomach, one he hadn’t felt since he was a teenager and having an ‘are we boyfriends?’ talk with Alex in the UFO Emporium. It was giggly and it was light and it made his heart beat a little faster.

“Do you want me to stay with you if I’m stuck here?” he said. If the question put him on the spot, Alex didn’t show it. 

“I don’t care.” 

Michael snorted. Alex the Angel cared.

“So, like, you had a pretty similar childhood to the Airman, didn’t you?” Michael asked, tucking the Angel’s hair behind his ear before taking a bite. He would allow the subject to change, but he was taking advantage of the vibe. Alex eyed him cautiously.

“I guess so.”

“Where’d it go different? Because he went to war and you came to New York,” Michael pointed out. He was trying to be as casual as possible, but he did want to know. It didn’t make sense that they both ended up in New York from Roswell and, at that, within the same few blocks. It didn’t make sense.

“Uh, well, if I had to guess, it changed when I didn’t meet you,” the Angel admitted, his voice a little bit quieter than usual. His head was tucked against Michael’s shoulder, making eye contact unnecessary. “My dad wanted me to join the Air Force, but he didn’t have anything over me. The Airman had seen him hurt you, had him threaten you if he didn’t join. I would’ve gone too. When my dad tried to get me to go and told me if I didn’t, he would cut me off, I just… ran away.”

“I mean, you must’ve done well for yourself. You went to school, you live in one of the most expensive cities, like, ever,” Michael pointed out, taking a bite. He was really going to miss his cooking when he went home.

Alex stopped answering, grabbing the fork out of his hand and turning his chin to capture his lips in a sweet kiss. Michael wasn’t really shocked, melting into the kiss with ease. He was more shocked he got that much information. But it was okay, they were making progress.

Progress, progress, progress, progress.

“Hey, did you finish the coding for the, the B section, I think you called it?” he asked suddenly. All this thought of progress reminded him that they hadn’t actually made much in the way of getting him home. For the first two weeks, it was going by quickly. He thought he would’ve been home by now. But The Angel had been working on some part of the construction for over a week now which was unlike him. He was fast.

Alex’s eyes scanned over his face, his tongue parting his lip and pulling the bottom one between his teeth. He didn’t have time to think about what that was supposed to mean as he was being kissed all over again. Michael merely assumed he’d pressed too far. The Angel and The Airman both preferred to kiss and touch to using their words to be vulnerable. It was only annoying sometimes.

A series of kisses later, Alex moved the bowl of pasta to the side and adjusted himself on his lap. His moans were loud, his back was arched, his habit of being over the top was on full display. Well, it always was. But now it felt even bigger, a purposeful move. If Michael didn’t know better, he’d think he was trying to distract him.

“You know you don’t have to do that,” Michael whispered as he pulled away from the kiss just barely, nudging his nose against Alex’s. He raised an eyebrow, tilting his head back. Michael rubbed circles into his hip.

“Do what, exactly?”

“Perform. You… you have this wall up even though you literally spent every day with me for a month now. It’s like you need to be super, super erotic and picturesque all the time. And, like, I’m not complaining, I just… I want you to know I love you regardless. You not doing that won’t make me feel any different,” Michael tried, doing his best not to be offensive. Alex furrowed his eyebrows, a little smile making its way onto his face. He looped one of his curls around his finger.

“That’s just who I am, Michael,” he said, “Maybe sometimes I amplify it, but it’s not much and it’s only because I want to.”

“Okay, then what’s wrong?” Michael asked. Alex’s smile dropped. “You amplify it when you want to distract me. Talk to me.”

Silence. Complete and utter silence.

-

“I lied.” 

“Hmm?”

Michael tried his best to tear his eyes open when he heard the door close. Alex had picked up a shift at Hitchcock’s and Michael had tried his best to stay away, to try to do some of the coding himself since progress really hadn’t been made as of late. Then he’d passed out. Thankfully, the door closing sort of woke him and he opened his eyes to see Alex standing over him, his nervousness clearly written across his face. His foot was tapping against the floor, his hand fidgeting against his thigh.

“I said, I lied.”

“Lied about what?” Michael rubbed his eyes, groaning as he sat up.

“I knew Other Michael,” Alex said, crossing his arms over his chest before uncrossing them and then crossing them again. Michael blinked hard a few times.

“What?”

“Okay, I didn’t _know_ know him, but I saw him nearly every day. He came to Starbucks every weekday at 1:37 PM for a chai tea latte with seven pumps of vanilla and blueberry muffin, not heated,” Alex admitted. Michael felt his eyebrows slowly pull together, but it suddenly made sense why he’d been following him on Instagram. “We never spoke and he never even looked at me, but… I thought he was gorgeous. I tried talking to him once a couple of years ago, but he basically ignored me. When you came up to me at the club, I thought it was him finally noticing me. That’s why…”

Michael stared at him for a moment, fully taking in his weird but apparently stressful admission. He rubbed his eyes again before dragging himself to his feet.

“Are you gonna say something or are you just gonna stare at me?” the Angel asked, frowning. Michael took a step closer to him. “He-he never gave me the time of day.”

“Listen, I think he wanted to,” Michael said, “Other Michael stalks you on his Instagram. Him knowing you makes that much less creepy.” It didn’t seem to ease the tension in Alex’s shoulders. In fact, tears brimmed his eyes.

“You’re not angry I lied?” Alex asked, sniffling through a shaky breath. Michael neared him with a confused smile, cupping his face in his hands.

“No, of course, I’m not mad,” he said sweetly, wiping a glittery tear off his cheek. “Look, I’m pretty sure that every version of us is meant to be. This just proves my theory.”

“I just, I didn’t want you to think I was keeping it from you or something,” he said, gulping hard, “I really like you.” Michael nodded slowly, the confusion slipping from his face in favor of an outright smile.

“How drunk are you?”

“Very,” Alex responded, letting out a soft laugh. Michael snorted and gave him a chaste little kiss. “I don’t wanna lose you.” 

“You won’t.”

Michael let his eyes close as he pulled Alex close into a hug. They both relaxed a little more with the contact. For the first time, Michael wondered if he even wanted to go home. Or maybe Alex the Angel could be his home. Maybe he already was.

It was a little different, going to bed and just curling up without sex as a predecessor. He didn’t mind it in the slightest. He watched Alex fall asleep against him, combing through his hair and admiring his beauty. Which was when he realized he’d lied too. And it was much worse than his Angel’s lie.

The fact of the matter was he was going to lose him. They were almost done and, like the last time, it would either kill him or he’d be successful. Whatever happened, he’d be leaving. Unless he didn’t. Unless he stayed.

Michael’s eyes flickered down to the man on his chest. He could see a life here, he could see a life with him. He was happy. Maybe it wasn’t cosmic, maybe it wasn’t heart-stopping, but it was safe and easy. This is what he’d wanted when he chose not to go to Alex.

But he wanted cosmic. He’d probably never get it, but knowing it was possible made it hard to settle. And Alex the Angel deserved more than being settled for. He deserved the world and nothing less. Besides, being in a world where Alex the Airman hated him was better than not being in a world with him at all.

Michael pulled the Angel close, weaving his fingers through his hair as best he could without pulling on it due to the sweat and glitter that doused it. He didn’t even mind Alex’s sticky body as he clung to him. They could take a shower when he was sober and not crying over the fear that he’d be angry and leave.

It took him longer than he wanted to admit to have a revelation on the circumstances. No wonder they weren’t making much progress with the coding. He wasn’t fucking working. Michael could pinpoint nearly every moment in the last two weeks where he would try to distract him from work, trying his best to steal all of his attention. On top of that, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw him doing much in the way of coding or engineering. He was trying to keep him here.

Michael was so fucked.

The next morning, he woke to Alex coming out of the bathroom, damp skin glistening and nothing more than a towel wrapped around his hips. Michael pulled the pillow close as he watched him move. He was a thing of beauty. It wasn’t hard to understand why he was called the Angel. Without an audience, he still navigated around the apartment like he was being filmed.

He dropped the towel and grabbed a pair of Other Michael’s sweats. They hung low on his hips as he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a large bowl of batter out of the fridge. It gave Michael time to go over the night before.

They needed to talk about it, but Michael knew he would shut down the moment he pushed too hard. Then he wouldn’t get anywhere. Honestly, there was no way to get any information out of him without getting him drunk. That wasn’t an option.

“Hey,” Michael groaned, pushing himself off the pillow. Alex looked over his shoulder, giving him a sweet smile. Michael sunk back into the mattress.

“Morning. I’m making crepes. You like bananas, right?” he asked. Michael hummed his agreement, letting his eyes scan over him and take him in before he did something that might entirely piss him off.

Eventually, Michael managed to pull himself off the bed, gravitating towards his Angel. He wrapped his arms around him from behind, nuzzling his nose into his neck. He smelled so good, like vanilla and lavender and everything amazing. It made it hard to make his decision again. And again. And again. How many seconds of the day would he have to remind himself that the Airman was his choice?

“So, do you want me to take over the coding?” Michael asked softly, peppering kisses over his bare shoulder. Alex snorted, craning his neck to try and look at him.

“What? You don’t think I’m good enough?” he snorted. Michael hugged him a little tighter.

“Nah, ‘s just something you said last night,” he whispered.

“Oh, yeah? Probably shouldn’t take that too seriously. I don’t even remember coming home, I was so fucked up,” the Angel said, pressing his lips to Michael’s forehead before returning his focus to the crepe batter.

“It’s okay, really. I can do it myself,” Michael assured, giving his thin frame a squeeze before letting go to work on the coding himself. At this point, it was basically all he had left to do. It shouldn’t be too hard with Google at his disposal. 

“Do you not trust me or something?” his Angel asked, his voice hard to read as he kept himself firmly in the kitchen. 

Michael found it hard to find an answer. On one hand, he trusted that Alex cared about him and he trusted that, on some level, he really did want to help him. But he also had enough evidence to support the idea that he had no intention of actually fulfilling his promise in finishing the coding. He’d stopped helping.

And apparently, his silence spoke. 

“Wow, okay,” Alex said, not even bothering with any emotion in his voice, “Fine, I’ll finish the fucking coding tonight. Tomorrow, maybe, if that’s okay with you.”

“Alex‒”

“I’m making you breakfast and then I’ll do your work,” he said simply, letting the skillet hit the stove with a loud clatter. Michael chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched him. Who knew you could angrily make crepes?

The 20 agonizing minutes of watching him cook somehow didn’t hold a candle to when Alex handed him a plate and, instead of eating, took the laptop and sat on the other side of the apartment to work on the coding. In the two months, they’d spent together, Michael couldn’t remember a single time that they hadn’t at least been touching while eating. It was something that made him feel loved and fuzzy and having it taken away really hurt in a way he hadn’t anticipated. He couldn’t eat.

“It literally took me 50 minutes in total to make those, are you actually not going to eat them?” Alex asked, again in that monotone that hadn’t really rendered its head since they met and the few times he tried to push his buttons. It was worse than anger. It was emotionless, detached, impersonal. Not meant for someone you loved.

“I… I will, I’m sorry.” He took a few bites.

Alex managed to stay completely focused on the computer in front of him, hardly sparing him an extra glance. Eventually, after finishing the plate, he excused himself to go take a shower. Like eating, he’d become accustomed to not doing that alone. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed. Maybe he should’ve just asked him when he planned on having it done. Making it clear you didn’t trust the man you’ve spent all of your time with proved to be a very bad decision.

The shower curtain ripped open.

“Listen,” Alex started, standing in his barista uniform and looking as gorgeous as ever, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m‒”

“Hush, I’m talking, _listen_ ,” he said and Michael obeyed happily, “You’re not wrong. I hadn’t really been making any progress lately because… Well, when you do just one thing all the time, you start to get bored with it. But that isn’t fair to you at all because I know you want to go home. I get it. I really will finish it by tomorrow. I promise. I want what’s best for you.” Alex gave a small little smile as he reached up and moved a few wet curls off his forehead.

It was these tiny little moments that made it hard to choose the Airman. He was so, so sure that if the Angel just asked him to stay, do what Alex never did and put himself out there in blatant words, he wouldn’t be able to say no. Part of him already didn’t want to say no.

“I’ll see you after work, please eat the rest of those crepes,” his Angel requested softly with a teasing grin, leaning in and stealing a kiss. When he pulled away, he was somehow completely dry. The Angel could clearly work miracles.

Which Michael already knew. He had gotten him to fall for him.

“Okay, I will. See you after work.”

-

“Well. This is it, I guess.”

The portal stood so black that it felt like it was playing tricks on their eyes. It seemed like nothing more than missing space in the wall‒but it wasn’t. It was a portal. It was a way home. And Michael was more sure than ever that he wanted to go. As much as he loved his Angel, it paled in comparison to his desire to see his Airman. Even if he spit in his face… as long as he could see that he was still okay.

“Thank you, Alex, seriously. I could’ve have done this without your help. Maybe I’ll be able to get through it without it trying to kill me,” Michael said, sending a smile over to his Angel. After he finished the coding, it had only taken two days to double-check everything before they turned it on. It was actually going to work.

“I know I’ve been working on this with you for two months, but it still kind of freaks me out this is real,” Alex answered, his voice monotone and his face emotionless, “So, what, you going now?” Michael blinked a few times, a confused smile taking over his features as he took a step towards him and away from the portal.

“I figured I’d stay one more night. Make sure I spend a couple more hours with you, if that’s okay,” he said softly. He kept his hands to himself and let Alex look him over to make his own opinion on what was happening. Eventually, he nodded.

“I’ll make you dinner.”

“Wait, c’mon,” Michael urged, grabbing his hand to pull him close. He didn’t even smile. “Let’s make it a good last night.”

“I will by making sure you don’t die from starvation,” he said, taking his arm back and heading straight to the kitchen. Michael reluctantly let him go.

The next morning, he would be home. He wouldn’t have his Angel anymore. He just wanted to spend these last few hours, cuddled up in bed with the man that he loved. Was that so much to ask?

Except it was a lot to ask and he knew that. He knew that his Angel didn’t want him to leave and he knew that he was going to spend this night doing nothing but rebuilding walls, but he was hoping that they didn’t have to go through that. He wished he could be like the Airman and just be open and loving up to the moment they had to stop. But it was unfair to ask that of him. They weren’t the same person.

So, Michael accepted this and sat on the floor beside the bed, watching him cook fully clothed for probably the first time ever. He seemed to be just throwing together everything he had left from the last time they’d gone to the store. It was ungodly hard not to touch him. That’s all he wanted to do. He wanted to soak in his Angel, memorize him from head to toe so, when he got home, he’d have something positive to think about.

Michael was pretty certain that they would all either be angry at him or not have even cared that he left. Yeah, he sent that text, but it was more than likely that Liz and Isobel would be the only two there and dealing with Other Michael. He would get back and they’d be angry that he was trying to escape the situation instead of helping them. They’d leave him. He’d probably be worse off than he was here.

And yet he couldn’t bring himself to stay.

While it hurt to know his Airman was probably securely in bed with someone else who he trusted more than he ever trusted Michael, he still wanted to be able to make sure he was safe. At any point, something bad could happen. He wasn’t there when Alex lost his leg‒he didn’t intend to let anything else harm him like that. Even if he had already harmed him himself. And he wasn’t about to hurt his Angel even worse than he would by leaving. Depriving him of something cosmic would be a crime.

“Chicken fettuccine alfredo,” his Angel said, handing him a large bowl and sitting close. Michael let his head fall against the bed, watching him with a smile. He would like to stay, to spend his life with his Angel. God, why couldn’t he have both? Why couldn’t he bring his Angel with him? Well, aside from the fact that he wasn’t his to take.

“I’m gonna miss your cooking,” Michael whispered, scooting closer once he finished half the bowl. Alex eyed him slightly, but let him come closer. “I’m gonna miss you. A lot. Badly. It’s gonna hurt.” He placed the bowl on the side, laying his head on his shoulder.

“Okay,” he answered softly. Michael moved closer, his hand reaching up to cup his jaw. He tugged his jaw towards him, capturing his lips in a kiss. 

It didn’t matter that they were short, it didn’t matter that their breath reeked of alfredo sauce, it was Alex the Angel and that’s all that mattered. He wanted to burn the feeling of his lips into his brain, to store it for his dreams. He really loved him. He shouldn’t love someone that wasn’t his Alex this much.

“I don’t really want to kiss,” the Angel whispered and it very quickly shut down all the feelings Michael was having and replaced them with panic. He moved back without a thought, making sure he wasn’t touching him in any way.

“I’m sorry,” Michael insisted, watching as Alex clambered to his feet. 

“It’s okay,” he said even though it absolutely wasn’t and took both of their plates towards the kitchen.

Michael looked down at the floor, slumping his shoulders. He couldn’t actually remember the last time he misread a situation like that. Go figure it’d be on his last night with him. Way to fuck it up. His head dropped into his hands.

“Just-just give me a moment and we can, can… whatever,” his Angel said. When Michael dared to look up at him, he found him looking impossibly small in the doorway to the kitchen. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“No. No, don’t just force yourself because you don’t want to upset me. And-and I’m not upset. Well, I’m upset I misread that, but that’s it. I don’t care that I’m leaving tomorrow, we don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to,” Michael insisted. Yeah, he wanted to kiss and cuddle and have really good sex, but none of it was necessary. If Alex wanted to, he could leave right now and never come back. He just hoped he didn’t.

But Alex still came over and sat in front of him. It was odd, not seeing him perform. It really helped Michael see the resemblance between his Airman and his Angel. It was like he was staring at the 17-year-old boy he’d fallen in love with too many years ago. Timid and nervous, but ballsy nonetheless. For a moment, they were the same.

“Are you really gonna miss me? Or are you just saying that so I’ll get in bed with you?” Alex asked. Michael’s eyes went wide, furrowing his brows.

“Of course I’m actually going to miss you. Not because you look like him, not because you’re good in bed, not because you only show what you think I like. I’m going to miss you because you’re you and that’s everything,” Michael said. It felt good to get it out of his system. 

Besides, he was leaving, so he might as well.

“Okay,” his Angel said, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. Instinct told Michael to move closer, to pull him into his chest and try to show him how fucking loved he was. Because he was loved. He just deserved better than what Michael could give. However, he kept his hands to himself.

The two of them sat in silence for a while, not touching required as the atmosphere filled with something close to melancholy with a lot more dread. It was hard not to look at the portal that was a giant symbol that this was their last night together. They wouldn’t get any more. Two months of creating the most stable relationship both of them had ever had, now culminated to a harsh ending.

It shouldn’t be so harsh. They knew it was coming. It still felt like torture.

Michael continued to keep his distance once they climbed into bed. They faced each other, staring and soaking up the shared space. It was comforting in itself. Then came a point where Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he was the Angel.

“We really don’t have to,” Michael whispered when his Angel came close.

“I want to. I don’t wanna forget you.”

Alex pressed in close, his kisses slow and methodical. The heavier it got, the more Michael began to question if cosmic was immediate or if it was grown. This felt really fucking close to cosmic. Every kiss, touch, caress made his head spin. _Fuck_.

He didn’t sleep that night. Even once Alex fell asleep, even once his heart rate had steadied. His eyes stayed on the portal, on the black nothingness that would directly bring him home. He’d see Isobel and Liz and his Airman. Staring at it reminded him staying here wasn’t fair. Maybe he wanted his Angel, maybe he could convince himself that it was just as good as seeing his Airman smile, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t. As long as he had a path home, he could never want the Angel as much as his Airman. He needed to see if there was any chance he could get him back.

He had to leave even if maybe one day he could make it into cosmic.

Michael got up before Alex for once, deciding that, as a goodbye, he’d make him breakfast. He didn’t know how to make anything special like Alex did, but he could make bacon and eggs. Alex was sitting up by the time he brought the plate to him in bed.

“Oh, to what do I owe the pleasure?” he hummed, the blanket falling and exposing his bare body. Add that to the list of things he’d miss.

“You’ve literally made sure I’ve eaten every day for two months, I can at least return the favor for once.” 

They ate in silence, though Michael found he could barely eat. He was getting more and more eager to get through the portal. He was ready to see Isobel and he had spent the last few hours gearing up to approach his Airman again. He planned to tell him of his two months, of how he’d found someone that was what he wanted, and that he still wanted him. He would always want him.

There was a downfall to that, though. He very reluctantly watched as his Angel returned to the timid teenager from the night before.

“Are you ready?” Alex whispered as Michael typed the numbers into the machine, watching the black swirl into that deep purple.

“Yeah,” Michael answered honestly, heaving a sigh, “I am.”

The two shared a hug and a kiss. Alex did his best to keep his stoic facial expression on as he took a step back. Michael gave him one last look before he stepped towards the portal. One deep breath, two deep breaths, and he reached out and‒

“Wait!” Alex the Angel’s arms grabbed his shoulders, yanking him back. Michael was more than a little shocked to find his face covered in tears. He’d just been fine.

“Alex, wh‒”

“Hush, listen! _Listen_. I lied, okay? I lied. I do care, I don’t want you to go. Stay with me, please. I love you. I love you, you can’t leave me,” he begged, choking on his sobs as he held Michael’s cheeks between his hands. He couldn’t himself as he stared, wide-eyed. This can’t be happening. “I have spent my whole life trying to find someone who makes me feel safe and-and I _found_ it. You took so long for me to find, you can’t leave me. I thought I could let you go, but I can’t.”

“Alex,” Michael whispered, grabbing his face right back. He could feel the tears pricking at his own eyes just watching him. He had to put him in this stupid situation. “You know it wouldn’t be fair to you if I stayed. I love my Airman. You deserve so much more than me.”

“I don’t care!” he insisted, gripping him hard and not-so-subtly trying to put distance between him and the portal, “What you give me is more than enough. I’ve never felt like this before. Please. I know you feel it.”

Michael closed his eyes. What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t lie.

“You said he doesn’t even want you, you’ve told me that a million times. I do! I want you, I need you, _please_. I’ll take care of you forever, Michael Guerin, I swear to God, I’ll be everything for you. Don’t leave,” Alex sniffled, a shaky breath pushing out of his system. Michael licked his lips, forcing his eyes to open as he stared him dead in the eyes. Lies weren’t going to work, but maybe excess truth would. 

“Alex, I firmly believe that we are meant for each other in every universe, every life‒but for the version of us in that universe. And I believe it even more now that I’ve met you and I’ve loved you and I know without a doubt that he will love you even more,” Michael pressured. Alex shook his head, his bottom lip protruding in a pout.

“I don’t want him, I want you.”

“Alex…” 

“He doesn’t even want me! He never gave me the time of day!” Alex argued, staying firmly in his denial. Michael moved his hands from his cheeks to the small of his back, tugging him in close.

“Maybe this was supposed to happen. This is what the universe did to force him to acknowledge you and force me to realize just how much I need my Airman and to not give up,” he whispered. Alex’s shoulders dropped and his head bowed.

“Maybe it was supposed to happen so I could have you,” he tried softly and part of it hurt Michael to hear the fight leave him. But, as much as part of him wanted to stay, a much bigger part needed to _go_.

“I don’t know. But I have to try,” Michael said, nudging him up with his nose. Alex moved in with a salty, wet kiss that Micahel accepted happily.

“Promise me you’ll come back if he doesn’t want you?”

Michael smiled sadly, wiping a few tears off his rosy cheeks. 

“Don’t wait up.”

-

Michael fell through the portal much smoother this time and basically straight into a pair of strong arms.

It took him a moment to really register what was going on, but he was clearly being checked over. Hands palmed over him as his head and vision spun, slowly adjusting to the different reality.

“He seems okay, he’s conscious. Guerin, are you with me? Hey, can you hear me?” A hand snapped in front of his face while another stayed firmly around his torso.

When it finally settled, Michael found his face a few inches away from his Airman.

“Alex?” he said, his voice a little more sluggish than he would’ve hoped. Worry was written all over Alex’s features, even as he combed back Michael’s sweaty hair and cupped his face. Their foreheads met and he felt more at ease than he had in a while. “Alex?”

This wasn’t easy or simple. This wasn’t almost-kinda-maybe cosmic. This wasn't something he'd regret leaving his Angel for. This was Captain Alexander Manes and this was _everything_.

“Do not ever scare me like that again, Michael Guerin, or I swear to god I will go through that thing and kill you myself.” A dopey smile found Michael’s face at the violent exclamation of love. Alex's thumb fiddled with his earlobe, chills running down his spine. “You’re so fucking stupid, oh my god.”

“I missed you too,” he said softly, feeling lighter than ever. Alex was here, he’d been waiting for him. Maybe this whole thing was the universe just trying to force them back together on top of his other theories. Thanks, Universe.

Alex held onto him, occasionally feeling over his body to double-check that he was actually alright and actually the correct Michael. Neither of them even realized how strange it was that he was given all that time to hold him until he properly regained his footing and was immediately pulled into Isobel’s arms.

“You scared the shit out of me, Michael. I can’t lose you. Seriously, I can’t,” Isobel whispered, cradling his head against her shoulder and rocking back and forth. It really made him realize just how much he missed her. Yeah, he really could’ve never stayed. He needed his Isobel hugs. He needed his Isobel. How had he gone two months without her?

Michael was more than a little surprised to find himself passed around and smothered in hugs from Liz, Kyle, and even Maria. He was almost brought to tears by it. He couldn’t actually comprehend how much they cared about him. Had they always cared? It didn’t make sense.

“Liz, let him go so I can get a hug in.” The voice startled him and actually _did_ make tears fall from his eyes. “Yeah, turns out Other Michael is really fucking powerful.”

Michael all but body slammed into Max, hugging him as tight as he could allow. They clearly had a lot to fucking talk about. Namely just how powerful the other version of him clearly was. He hugged Max for a solid five minutes before he eventually really wanted his Airman again. His heart was admittedly still aching for his Angel, but the reason he’d left was for the Airman.

They needed to talk.

“Look, we’ll all get the story out of you on what happened over there, but… We’ll give you a moment,” Max said, peeling Michael off when he noticed him and Alex staring. 

It didn’t take long before he found himself alone in the bunker with his Airman. He moved in close, finding solace in their foreheads resting together and Alex’s hands on him. He loved this. 

“So… how’s the boyfriend?” Michael whispered. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Fuck you, Guerin. Don’t leave me like that again,” he said. Michael closed his eyes, thinking of his Angel and how everyone’s biggest issue is they don’t talk. He was going to talk.

“You told me to go.”

“I’m sorry. I pushed you way too hard.”

“I deserved it.”

“Not that much.”

“I don’t know.”

They stood in silence for a while, taking in the moment. It was so nice holding him again. He wondered how much luck he’d have in getting him to stay the night. He wasn’t really looking forward to sleeping alone again. Or eating alone. Or showering alone. Fuck.

“So, uh, how did you like Other Michael?” Michael asked, fiddling with the back of Alex’s hair. It’d grown a bit, landing softly in his fingertips without any effort. Not as long as the Angel's but long. 

Alex snorted, “Honestly? He wasn’t that bad, but I never realized how much I could miss you. He’s not sarcastic, he’s not uncomfortably honest, he’s not _you_. I missed you so much, Michael.”

His heart skipped a beat. Or two. Or eight.

“I, uh, I sort of fell in love with the other you,” he admitted. Alex smiled wide and rolled his eyes as he stared, but soon the smile fell once he realized just how serious he was. He started to pull away.

“Oh… do-do you want to go back?” Michael’s eyes widened and he pulled him close again.

“No, no. I want you. Yeah, I love him, but… I’m so in love with you, Alex. If there’s a way to be in the same reality as _you_ , the real you, then I want to be there. Even if you don’t want me and somewhere someone else does. I chose you. I told him I chose you even when I knew I might not be able to have you,” Michael vented. Alex the Airman licked his lips, letting his hands slide up into his curls as he moved into his space. Michael wanted to melt. 

“Listen, we need to talk. Get everything out in the open, clear everything and work on being extremely honest and willing to explain any misunderstandings we might encounter. I never want to feel that scared of losing you ever again. I need to know you’re safe,” Alex said to him, his eyes more sincere than ever. 

Michael prayed his Angel would find his safe place. This was better than anything under the sun.

“Absolutely. Now tell me about Max.”

**Author's Note:**

> there's a major possibility that there will be a part 2 told from our Alex's pov and learning more about Other Michael, but it will take me a minute
> 
> also on my tumblr: spaceskam
> 
> let me know if there's any tags I should've added!


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